There will always be those who claim to be bona-fide coffee addicts when in reality they’re just partial to the odd skinny latte a couple of times a week when the mood takes them. As any real coffee addict will know however, this is a badge of honour you rally cannot qualify for unless you measure up to a rather strict set of criteria the likes of which are only known to those who fit the profile.


So, with this in mind, here’s a quick checklist to use in order to determine whether you’re a genuine coffee addict or no more than an everyday coffee fan:

1. The idea of talking to another human being in the morning before having your first coffee makes you feel literally sick to your stomach…and never happens.

2. Regardless of how infrequently you use them, you have every different coffee making gadget and accessory in the world proudly displayed like trophies in your kitchen.

3. You’ve started taking your own coffee to work or sneaking out five times a day as the instant stuff they provide is beyond unacceptable.

4. There are more loyalty cards from coffee shops in your wallet than there are credit cards and bank notes.

5. You’ve actually started to relish that nervous twitches you get after downing five espressos too quickly, rather than thinking you’re actually having a seizure.

6. You make plans to take a day/hour/week or so without having a coffee having genuinely begun to wonder whether you might just be overdoing it.

7. Every time you find an article on the health benefits of coffee, you send it to everyone you’ve ever met just to prove how very right you’ve always been.

8. You’ve got to the point where you don’t even worry about drinking too much coffee before bed as you’ve built up such a world-class tolerance to caffeine.

9. You’re no longer able to be polite when a colleague tells you that they tried a great new coffee and it’s a brand you hate. Instead, you tell them how completely wrong and stupid they are.

10. When you’re made a cup of tea without first being asked if you’d prefer a coffee, you actually have to fight back the urge to throw it back in the face of the poor server.

11. By the time you get to the bar of your local coffee shop, they’ve seen you and poured your regular coffee without you having to say a word.

12. You panic when the adverse weather conditions in Guatemala even remotely suggest that there could be a coffee crisis on the horizon for the year 2027.

13. You’re one of the few people that’s happy to pay over a fiver for a cup of coffee for the fact that it tastes incredible, not just to show how much of a hipster you are.

14. The last time you tried to give up coffee, you realised after about an hour that a world without coffee is a world you don’t want to be any part of.


Any of the above sound familiar?